Happy Thanksgiving! I’m so grateful for family, friends, and second chances.
I heard someone say, “The only person that has to love you is yourself.”
If you haven’t had a mammogram recently, I urge you to set up an appointment today. I spent a week thinking I had breast cancer, and I would protect anyone from the agonizing feeling I carried in my gut for seven days. I’m ashamed to say how long it had been since my last mammogram. Even with my niece battling breast cancer, I didn’t make an appointment.
After digesting the report citing a mass, asymmetry, and dense tissue, I tearfully apologized to my husband, and told him how stupid I felt. All of my introspection cannot explain the reason I procrastinated. Maybe I was ignorant. For all of the breast cancer information out there, I didn’t internalize the high risk for older women. One in 28 women over age 60 will be diagnosed (https://www.cancer.gov/types/breast/risk-fact-sheet). Maybe I was ashamed for anyone to see how fat I’d become. Maybe I stupidly thought it couldn’t happen to me. Maybe years of low self-esteem kept me from taking care of myself at all. It’s hard to admit these things, and it makes clear the job I have ahead of me. I need to love myself: mind, body and spirit.
After a series of many more images, it was determined that there was no mass in my left breast. I have dense breast tissue which makes it difficult to see abnormalities. I was sent home in the clear with orders to return in a year.
Even when I was skinny, I wasn’t confident inside. Now it’s much worse. There are signs of me hiding all around me. This blog, my Etsy shop and my Instagram all have photos of something other than my face.
I’ve taken steps toward self-care and love so I need to celebrate what I’ve accomplished so far. Since I began this health kick, I’ve lost ten pounds. My knees feel better, and I can feel stamina and strength coming back. As noted above, I also started making appointments to catch up with all of the health care I’ve been putting off since well before the pandemic.
I’ve added the Foo Fighters (do not laugh) and stationary biking to the routine. I found a wacky workout playlist that takes me back to the beat of my teens in the 70s. The music pushes me to walk and bike faster. We’re also seriously thinking about adopting a dog. That means lots more steps for me.
As far as fulfillment, I’m feeling pretty good about how I’m spending my days. Creativity is my thing, and I’ve been making all kinds of goodies to sell on Etsy. The plan for me is to always donate part of my profits to charity. It gives my creativity meaning.
So, I’m trying to become my best self, and learning to love the self I am today.
Cia's Garden Shed 